The Forgiving Efforts

 “...Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them...”
- Oscar Wilde -

Image courtesy: personal shots

I haven't read much lately. Part of my daily brain exhaustion of workloads and of course my mental instability. 2021 has been so rough to me, but clearly it is kind enough too, in making me grow and learn. While handling the battle inside, I managed to read a tear-jerker book titled CHASING FORGIVENESS, written by Neal Shusterman. One of my long list author.

The truth about forgiving is damn so hard when you need to forgive yourself. At least for me. I am still on self-blaming condition about my own doings, love decisions, and others. So, when I finally finished this book last night, I might be continuing my journey in chasing forgiveness for myself. Another ups and downs journey indeed.

Based on true events, CHASING FORGIVENESS is a story about a teen named Preston Scott whom in his early twelve years old-life had to face the reality that his own dad killed his mom. The horrible things that happened in his family might turn him insane, with constant nightmares and anxiety. However, Preston tried his best to live. It is really hard. I could not understand how he managed. He loves his dad, as much as he hates him.

Forgiving is never easy. The journey that leads Preston to forgive is described in honest way, human way. His little brother, Tyler Scott, also has his own mechanism, in disturbing way. But Grandma and Grandpa tried their best to move on. And they included Preston and Tyler in that process. Although Preston had to face his own battle. To love and forgive his dad, while could not understand why he did it. Why Dad killed his Mom.

CHASING FORGIVENESS was simply written with honesty and complexities of human emotions. While reading it, I felt the heaviness, the burden, and the anger flooded inside me. Lots of why and how were swarmed in my mind. This is not an ideal story with flowers and summer heat. Just cold winter and seeds of spring that ends with calm autumn. And because it's based on true events, I could not imagine this kinda things happened to me. Too hard to swallow.

the paperback ed that I have

The act of forgiveness is relieving somehow. It costs lot of courage and I knew to gain it would be like a slow burn effort. However, through Preston's perspectives, maybe the readers could get better view of some ways to deal with love and ownership. Complicated enough. Tangled. But it makes us human.

Maybe time doesn't always heal, but if something hurts you, clearly you have to admit it. It's really hard to admit the hate, yet to love the ones who made you suffer. But you do not have much time in this universe, why waste it just on hates?

CHASING FORGIVENESS is only less than 300 pages. But this is deep. Simple but deep. You might enjoy it. Even if you don't, there's nothing to forgive.^^

“...The smile on my face is only there to mask what I'm feeling inside...”
- Neal Shusterman -